Sunday, May 10, 2009

Itch

It's always in moments like these, when I am so close to the end, that I feel like running away. Dropping everything, my notes and scribbles and essays and obligations, and taking off for worlds unknown. It started to hit me in high school, when I was desperate to get out into the world. And in the wonderful world of my college life, it began again to creep up on me. Every quarter during finals week, sitting in a study lounge in my inside-out sweats, hair in hysterics, skin broken out and splotchy, I suddenly feel the urge to RUN. And now, here in my cozy little attic room surrounded by notes written in spanglish, bright-colored pens (courtesey of Kristin), notebooks and collections of articles, accompanied by my computer... I am once again on the verge of a nervy b. But there is nowhere to run, really. I mean, I'm already in Spain.

Once upon a time, I sat in the backyard at home, tanning and reading a gossip magazine. In this magazine there was an interview with Brad Pitt, in which it was revealed that he left his university 2 weeks before graduation, eschewing his chances of earning a degree. It's not like he needs one, but I understood when he told the interviewer he regretted it. But! Today as I sit here in my nappies, a zit the size of Canada on my cheek (as if all the stresses of this week have culminated into a tiny mountain...on my face), I understand why he did it. He did what everybody else dreams of doing, what I dream of doing now. Running away just before the moment of completion, like Toto in Cinema Paradiso; after hearing a legend, he sits under the window of a girl for many nights, waiting, but suddenly stops going when he feels she might actually come out.

However, I am not Brad Pitt and my life is not an Italian movie. And no matter how much I hate exams or how much they tie me into knots, I know that I will do what I have to to get through this week, and soon I will be done and another quarter closer to being a successful and responsible adult (eek, frightening). BACK TO WORK!

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